A Blonde, Wanting To Earn Some Money, Decided To Hire Herself Out As A Handyman And Started Canvassing A Well-To Do Neighborhood. She Went To The Front Door Of The First House And Asked The Owner If He Had Any Jobs For Her To Do.

"Well, You Can Paint My Porch. How Much Will You Charge?" The Man Asked.

The Blonde Said, "How About 50 Dollars?"
The Man Agreed And Told Her That The Paint And Other Materials She Might Need Were In The Garage. The Man's Wife, Inside The House Had Listened To The Conversation Between The Blonde And Her Husband Asked, "Does She Realize That The Porch Goes All The Way Around The House?"
The Man Replied, "She Should, She Was Standing On It."

A Short Time Later The Blonde Came To The Door To Collect Her Money.

"You're Finished Already?" He Asked.
"Yes The Blonde Answered, "And I Had Paint Left Over, So I Gave It Two Coats." Impressed, The Man Reached In His Pocket For The 50 Dollars.
"And By The Way," The Blonde Added, "It's Not A Porche, It's A Lexus."

A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

Husband: "Needs ironing!"

There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:

* 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
* 2 French men and 1 French woman
* 2 German men and 1 German woman
* 2 English men and 1 English woman
* 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

ONE MONTH LATER on the beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

* The 1st Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.....
* The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois"....
* The 2 German men have a rigid weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman....
* The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman....
* The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex was in the picture, because it got sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting any!